She was beautiful but sometimes she just got really sad. I
think that’s what scared people away. Sometimes she will get into these moments
where she’ll be so deep in thought and you can tell by the way she talks.
She’ll say something without finishing the thought-no explanation. And pause
& say something completely unrelated. Then she’ll respond to your story
from earlier before smiling & saying ‘”sorry, I’ve got a lot on my mind.” What
makes people uncomfortable though is when she goes quiet. “What’s wrong?” “Did
I do something?” “Are you mad?”
I wonder how many things a human can think about at once.
How many boxes can a person have open at once? I think she’s reached the
ultimate-maximum-number-of-boxes-opened several times. She’s smart but her brain over stretches
itself resulting in mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion.
Most people don’t like it when she gets in these moods, but
these are one of my favorite moments of her. This is when she is the most real
and if you listen to her when she doesn’t feel like talking it is one of the
most spectacular things. She’s not depressed; sometimes she gets caught in
another universe. The universe of her mind. Sometimes it’s hard for her to
escape and sometimes she doesn’t want to. But what causes her to get stuck in
this universe is when people probe her for answers she doesn’t have. They ask
what’s wrong and what’s on her mind and she’ll say there is a lot on her mind
but nothing wrong and she definitely doesn’t want to talk about it. It’s her
way of processing things. She’s half introvert and half extrovert and nobody
can accept that. But I can more than accept it.
Her mind is beautiful and terrifying.
I think its ok to be sad. It’s necessary. But she bears the
burden of everything. She’s hypersensitive to other peoples thoughts and
feelings.
This is one of the moments of her that I adore.
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