She was Beautfiul

She was beautiful but sometimes she just got really sad. I think that’s what scared people away. Sometimes she will get into these moments where she’ll be so deep in thought and you can tell by the way she talks. She’ll say something without finishing the thought-no explanation. And pause & say something completely unrelated. Then she’ll respond to your story from earlier before smiling & saying ‘”sorry, I’ve got a lot on my mind.” What makes people uncomfortable though is when she goes quiet. “What’s wrong?” “Did I do something?” “Are you mad?”

I wonder how many things a human can think about at once. How many boxes can a person have open at once? I think she’s reached the ultimate-maximum-number-of-boxes-opened several times.  She’s smart but her brain over stretches itself resulting in mental, emotional, and physical exhaustion.

Most people don’t like it when she gets in these moods, but these are one of my favorite moments of her. This is when she is the most real and if you listen to her when she doesn’t feel like talking it is one of the most spectacular things. She’s not depressed; sometimes she gets caught in another universe. The universe of her mind. Sometimes it’s hard for her to escape and sometimes she doesn’t want to. But what causes her to get stuck in this universe is when people probe her for answers she doesn’t have. They ask what’s wrong and what’s on her mind and she’ll say there is a lot on her mind but nothing wrong and she definitely doesn’t want to talk about it. It’s her way of processing things. She’s half introvert and half extrovert and nobody can accept that. But I can more than accept it.

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Her mind is beautiful and terrifying.

I think its ok to be sad. It’s necessary. But she bears the burden of everything. She’s hypersensitive to other peoples thoughts and feelings.

This is one of the moments of her that I adore.  

Hours of Our Lives

As a college student, I struggle with the balance between work, school, and rodeo. I need to make money because I want to be financially independent from my parents. However, at this point in my life, I don't think having a job is the most important thing. A little extra spending money is awesome but not necessary. "We don't buy things with money, we buy them with hours from our lives."

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This thought scares me. I don't want to spend all my hours at a job doing something I do not enjoy with the only purpose of making money. I think Americans rush too much. Our perception of time is very strict. Being early is ideal. So is being busy. We desire success from our jobs but that success is defined through money. As a result, money defines our lives. We believe we achieve happiness through a raise or purchasing a brand name product. Our social statuses are associated with money as well. When we spend all our time working, it's important that our job fulfills our hours with what we enjoy. Money is necessary for me to board and feed my horses, and also travel to rodeos. But most importantly, doing what I love to make money.

Happy for No Reason

I like to explore different ways to approach things, different ways of thinking, and different perspectives on things. It's healthy to have an open mind. As a result, I find random yet interesting books or articles to read. This summer I stumbled across the concept of being happy for no reason. What does that mean? Well, look at your life right now. Are you, in your own terms, happy? (I say 'in your terms' because it's impossible to measure happiness. It is all relative and dependent on our own idea of it.) If so, why are you happy? Maybe it's because you got a raise at work, bought a new car, or your boyfriend bought you flowers. Would you be happy if those things were taken away? If the answer is no, then your happiness depends on materialistic things or other people. If you are happy for a reason, then that reason can be taken away.
So how do we find happiness without having a reason for it?

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Instead of saying we will be happy if we had that new car or had a relationship, we should be happy first, and then these things will fall into our laps. Eating healthy has proven to improve our mood. As does exercise. Both are natural ways to improve our bodies which in turn increases our happiness. This website explains the phenomena in terms of the book by Marci Shimoff:
http://www.learningstrategies.com/Happy/Home.asp

Infatuations: An intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something

I titled my blog "Infatuations" because that is one of the things that defines my life right now. And I think it defines a lot of people's lives -at least in certain aspects. I am living my life based on the infatuations I have, or to use a less strong word, my actions are driven by desire. My desire to compete in rodeo drives me through the chores of feeding my horses, cleaning up after them, hooking up the trailer, hauling to the arena to practice, and repeat. I think it is important to ask ourselves why we do something. Yes, the answer 'because I want to,' is valid. But why do we want to? The answer to that question is one that helps me get out of bed in the morning. Why do I want to write? Because I enjoy it. It is an outlet for me to express my thoughts in an abstract way. I love to write stories about other people because I can still fulfill the need to think about my problems, but in an indirect and less stressful way. Oh dear, my character is listless and unmotivated because she sees no point in fulfilling her degree requirements.. is there a solution to her problem? Sure. I give her a cup of delicious coffee on a rainy day. I put her in a comfy oversized sweater and sit her on a couch to stare out the window. Her spirits are lifted and so are mine. It really is as simple as that for me.
There are many more reasons for why I write, but that will have to wait for another time. I want to get back to infatuations. The kind of infatuations that we cannot control. Like for other people. Or the past. Or the future. These are things we do not have control over, yet can be absolutely lost over. Why? Well, that's a complicated answer. But I think it comes down to the make up of our brains and the values we hold at the time. And we must be careful with these infatuations. Being aware of them is half the battle.
What are your thoughts?
Nos vemos!

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The Writing Lover

Once upon a time, there was a writer. This writer wanted to do nothing but write. Sadly, as a college student, this writer needed to make money. After searching for inspiration online, she stumbled across 5 Jobs for Writers. All of which seemed rather easy to jump right into! Then the application process started and websites requested resumes and background experience: all sorts of fancy stuff like that. Discouraged by the fact that she had no experience outside of classes, she decided to read her friend's blog to see if she had updated with any posts. And she had! The wheels started churning as she realized she had absolutely no excuse for not having a blog. In high school she had started one and kept up on it for a good year before she got bored with it and lost all motivation. Those were the days she would write everyday. Those were the days when a career in writing didn't seem so daunting. As an English major, it only makes sense to be exploring all aspects of the word, whether that is reading Old English British Literature (for a class, of course. Nobody does that for fun.) or writing creatively to keep the brain refreshed.
Well, those are all of my thoughts for now. I need to go feed my horses!
Hasta Luego!

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